It feels good to get out...

As many of you know, I love photography. I used to even have a photography business a few years back and I loved it! Now my main subjects have become my kiddos, and I'm looking to change that up a bit! My Aunt Sandi gave me the bug recently when she passed along my grandmother's camera to me...how cool is that?

You can no longer get film for it unless you roll it yourself, but it certainly is fun bit of history for me to have. I wonder if my grandkids will one day look at Nikon D5000 and think it is archaic too?

So Sunday my sis-in-law Amy and I headed to the Chicago Cultural Center to check out an exhibit I was interested in. A "street photographer" has recently been discovered and her work is amazing! Her name is Vivian Maier. She is a true talent. The sad part is her film/negatives were discovered after her death - so she never knew about all the recognition she is getting. The picture below is my absolute favorite!

(photo courtesy of Google images)

The contrast of old school film and graininess of it is amazing in her prints.

It was a truly inspiring display. If you have a chance to check it out I highly recommend it!

If you've never been the the Cultural Center I recommend going as well - the detail and architecture is just wonderful. I had a lot of fun snapping the pics below...

Birthday Party for Mrs. M...

Aidan is in three-year old preschool this year so I of course volunteered to be the Room Mom! We had a birthday party for his teacher, Mrs. Markworth, on Thursday. The kids all helped me create this picture frame for her. They each had to tell me what they loved about her...cute little Charlie gets the prize for the most unique answer..."because she thinks I'm a human!"

Curls!

I've recently been looking back at pictures of Aidan to see how much Lucas looks like him and it really is incredible. In this picture Aidan is much older than Lucas is now, but it makes me wonder if Lucas will get those amazing curls that Aidan had...I wish he still had them! His hair was so blonde and curly! Love this little man!

Craps...I mean crafts....

So Aidan and I have been looking for projects to do this winter to keep us busy when we can't get outside. He loves to do creative things - we read, sing, cook and do "craps." He has a hard time saying "craft"...so we have a "crap project" and a "crap box"...I think it is hilarious. Our latest project was a sun catcher and I think it turned out pretty cute!

We took a glass pie plate, a couple of cups of water, ice cubes and glass stones (for texture) and food coloring. We froze the design for a few hours and there you have it! It has held up pretty good on our porch outside. The squirrels seem pretty interested in it too!

Reunited and it feels so good…Part IV

This is the final part of “My Story” regarding the events that took place this past summer…to read from the beginning click on the following - Part I, Part II and Part III.

So my first full day at home I had Nate drive us out to my parents house. It was super hot outside and Aidan wanted to go in the pool – I figured I could relax on their couch as easily as my own and I wanted to see my family! My dad and I hung out in the house while Lucas slept and everyone else was outside playing in the pool. It was a good day. My dad and I had some good talks.


One thing weighing on his mind as well as my own was the rift we had in our family with my oldest sister. I really felt compelled to do something about it. My dad encouraged me. I think he knew he didn’t have much longer and really wanted to know that everyone was okay. I’m not going to get into the specifics, but what I will say is that the timing was good – Dad needed to see Kris and the girls and they needed to see him. We didn’t have a lot of time with him after that point, but I know we all made the most of it and he was happy. It has been nothing but a blessing having Kris and her family back in our lives and I couldn’t be happier.

My boys have all these additional people to love them and they LOVE it!

What amazing women my three nieces have turned out to be (not to mention each of them is absolutely beautiful!).

My dad lost his battle with cancer on September 11, 2010. It is still very hard for me to even write about it now. I still miss him every day. He was such a good man and an amazing father. As you can imagine the holidays were filled with all kinds of emotions. I said several times I wish we could have just skipped them all together this year (I think I actually tried by scheduling my final surgery on Dec. 27th). We have gotten through the holidays and birthday parties and family gatherings remembering him, celebrating him and just enjoying each other. It is such a great loss not having him with us but we are hanging onto each other and getting through it.

I just recently had my final surgery. I was filled will all kinds of fear about going under again – honestly, I was terrified. But I was also so ready to get it over with and move on. Anyone who has had surgery may be able to relate to this – when you go into an operating room you almost catch your breath. It is stark white, lots of lights, sterile and so cold. That feeling was still too fresh in my mind and as I about to well up with tears as we entered the operating room, instead, I entered into a team of doctors cheering for me. It turns out several of them had participated in some of my previous surgeries and were excited to be participating in my final surgery. I knew I was in good hands.

My recovery has been going good and I am excited to put this medical saga behind me. As I’ve said before, I really feel as though I have been given a gift. This year I turn 40 (yikes!) and I plan to celebrate. I’m excited to see what the next chapter of this life will be and what God’s plan is for me…because I am convinced now more than ever that He has one!

Thanks for letting me share!

Chef Aidan...

Aidan received an early birthday present in the mail today from Grammy and Popi!

Aidan LOVES to help me cook so this was perfect - he is so proud...

Chef Aidan!

My Story, Part III

This is Part III of My Story – the events that took place this past summer…for the beginning of the story click on the following - Part I and Part II.

I was pretty confused in those first few days. I couldn’t remember much. I had some pretty crazy dreams while I was out and it took a few days for my family to convince me that some of the things I dreamed hadn’t really happened. All I knew was that I wanted to get home to my boys – to hug Aidan and tell him that his mommy was okay and that I loved him…to hold that new baby boy and get to know him. But at that point I couldn’t walk and I had some nerve damage to my arm, so I was in bad shape. They were saying after I left Prentice I was going to have to go to a Rehab Facility for some physical and occupational therapy for three to six weeks. After about 3 days of watching horrible daytime TV I decided I need to spend my time differently.

Dr. Su, the doctor that had delivered Lucas, was checking in on me daily and helping manage my care. She was wonderful – when I was ready she explained to me what had happened. She was so compassionate and kind. I really felt a connection with her – not only was she my doctor looking out for me, but she became a friend as well. I was focused on getting better, but there were days that I was overwhelmed and just sad. She listened and cried with me. When I told her I couldn’t go to a rehab center, that I had to get home to my boys, she organized daily physical and occupational therapy for me. Instead of laying in bed watching daytime TV I was taken to the rehab gym and I had two therapists who kicked my butt in PT and OT and it paid off – I was able to walk out of the hospital and not go to a rehab facility. The nurses from my OB practice came to visit me often and prayed with me and over me several times. There were so many doctors that stopped in my room to see me – they had been involved in many of my surgeries and just wanted to see me and were amazed by my recovery. Some of them cried and prayed with me. It was truly amazing.

I had lots of visits from family and friends and that really kept my spirits up. Nate would bring Aidan to see me and our first few visits were tough – I think he was pretty confused about what was going on. My poor little three year old had a really tough summer. He was scared to see me like that yet he wanted to be with me and for me to come home so badly. Honestly, most of my tears in the hospital were about him. Lucas would come to visit me as well, but I really wasn’t strong enough to hold him so he would just lay next to me in my hospital bed. He was, and still is, the most laid back and happy baby I have ever seen. It was so hard to be away from them and it was my motivation to get home. My mom was with me all the time – even as an adult I still needed my “mommy.” My dad came as often as he could. He called me almost daily. He was so positive and encouraging – I think at that time he knew he wasn’t doing well and really hung on to make sure I was going to be okay.

My good friend Julie came to the hospital to give me a haircut - my hair hadn't been washed in 3 weeks and as you can imagine I was looking pretty cute (not!)...I think it was one of my all time favorite haircuts (she laughs at this)! I usually try to take Aidan to Julie as well for haircuts but Nate just couldn't do it while I was in the hospital (her salon is in the 'burbs by my parents house). So Nate took him for a haircut - when I saw a picture I cried, he practically shaved his head! He looked so much older to me and I just wasn't ready to see him like that. I know why Nate did it, he just couldn't keep up with taking him every few weeks and knew I wouldn't be able to...just one more thing that was out of my control.

(Nathan, his sister Amy, niece Vivienne, Aidan (with new haircut) and Lucas)

On June 29^th I had my last surgery in the hospital – knowing that I was going to be able to go home soon, but have one more surgery about 6 months down the road. I was released from the hospital on July 11^th and as I said before, was so happy to be walking out of the hospital. I was still in quite a bit of pain, but just figured that was normal and would subside in a few days/weeks.

That next weekend we had planned a surprise party in Michigan for Nate’s parents’ anniversary. I knew I couldn’t go, but Nate really needed a break so I encouraged him to go and take Aidan with him. Paula kindly offered to stay with me and help me with Lucas since I really wasn’t ready to care for him on my own. The few days I was at home I felt like I had a fever and I had a lot of pain, but I just figured again, this was normal for all that I had been through and maybe I was pushing myself too much. I had a physical therapist that was coming to the house three days a week and she was making me work really hard.

About 3 hours after Nate left for Michigan that Friday a home nurse stopped by to draw some blood. She checked my temperature and it was 103.5 – back to the hospital for me! I had developed a bad infection. I was so disappointed. I had just gotten done telling Aidan I would not be going back to the hospital, that I would be here when he came home from Grammy and Popi’s house. I hadn’t gotten to spend much time with Lucas and I felt like others knew my baby better than I did. I felt like a terrible mother. I felt like I had failed. Looking back I think I knew something was wrong but I just didn’t want to go back to the hospital. Anyway, after another week stay I was released home and Aidan and I spent some serious bonding time – I think that week had been harder on me than him.

The month that followed was filled with so many different emotions. I was struggling to get better and my dad was deteriorating pretty quickly. We also had a family reunion of sorts…

To continue reading click Part IV

Thanks Grammy!

Nate's mom came in from Michigan for two weeks to help us out while I am still unable to lift Lucas since my surgery. She has been a great help to me and the boys have just LOVED having her here! We got Aidan a new bed for Christmas (it looks small in these pics, but it is actually twin size). He loves it!

The idea is to eventually transition Lucas into the bottom bunk, but right now it is a jungle (hanging monkeys and all) and a great play place for the boys!

Thanks Grammy for coming to hang out with the boys and help us - we have loved having you here and you will be missed greatly!

My Story, Part II

This is a continuation of the events that happened this past summer…to read Part I click Here

While I was out…

Things were pretty bad. I had developed a bleeding disorder and during that time I had 11 surgeries, most of which were due to trying to stop bleeding. I believe I was given around 110 units of blood. At some point my organs were failing and they weren’t sure if I was going to make it through this ordeal. The medical details are far more extensive than this, but I don’t really want to get into all of that.

What I do know is that Nathan and my mom didn’t leave my side. Nate’s family came to town. Everyone pitched in to help with the kids. Nathan had lots of love and support wrapped around him during this time when he didn’t know if I was going to come home. My mom was dealing with my father being so sick at the time and her daughter being in the hospital. Our families came together and really came through helping out in any way they could – all I can say is AMAZING. I can’t express enough how thankful that during this time ALL my boys were loved and supported and cared for.

One of my favorite stories was when Nathan was going to take Lucas home from the hospital. I had picked out what I thought was the perfect going home outfit. It was a super soft bamboo blue/brown sleepsac from beba bean with a matching hat and blanket - Adorable! Neither Anna nor Nathan could figure out how to get it on him! They had to call a nurse for help.

And what can I say about these doctors and nurses at NMH? They became so invested in my care and in my family. Who knew – this big, community hospital was full of amazing doctors and nurses – full of Christians and good people who really came through for me and my family. There were nurses who came in and prayed with my family. Doctors spent the time with my family to explain every detail of my care and cried with my family. Again, I say AMAZING.

My family prayed for a miracle. There were so many people praying for me. My friend Sandy set up a Care Pages account and kept friends and family updated on my progress. My sister kept my Facebook page updated. Each of our families’ churches had people praying. I can’t believe how many prayers were said on my behalf – but if I ever doubted before I don’t any longer – I believe in the power of prayer. We got our miracle.

They encouraged my family to talk to me and I do remember hearing some of their voices, however in my dreams they were speaking to me in completely different situations…but 12 days later I woke up to the sounds of my family yelling at me to open my eyes. I don’t remember much about my days in ICU. A few days later I was transferred to Prentice to begin my recovery and have one more surgery.

To continue click on Part III

Hapy Birthday Amy!

Aidan said this morning "Auntie Amy lives right by me, that's why she's my best friend!" We hope you have a wonderful birthday and love you very much - Happy Birthday!

A portrait...

Give Aidan a few pipe cleaners and some googly eyes and he came up with a picture of....

Daddy!

Chickpeas and applesauce...

Would you believe these cookies have chickpeas and applesauce in them? They are very tasty, but unfortunately not the same as regular chocolate chip cookies...

My Story, Part I

I have been asked a lot of questions about what happened this summer during and after my delivery of Lucas. I am willing to share but I still get pretty overwhelmed and sometimes have a hard time. I really do need to document what happened so that I never forget. It was such a scary time for our family and friends. It was such a humbling and life changing time for me as well. I want to document it because I want to remember. I need to remember. I was given a gift – on so many different levels. So maybe this will be a series of posts – I’m not sure, but I have to start somewhere, so here it goes…

Let me start with the hospital I was at – Northwestern Memorial Hospital (NMH). When I had my childrens boutique I met a lot of moms-to-be that were checking out alternative birthing options, so of course I was curious. Quite a few believed at home births and deliveries by midwives were the best options for their families. I knew because of my previous high-risk pregnancy that neither of those were an option for me. I heard a lot of people refer to NMH as a “baby factory” and had negative things to say, but my overall experience there when I was pregnant with Aidan was very positive (including 5 weeks of hospital bed rest). My delivery with Aidan was uneventful and I really felt we had great doctors and nurses. Absolutely no complaints.

When I found out I was pregnant with Lucas I opted to go with a high risk practice at NMH that was recommended by my very good friend, Elisabeth McKenna. She had a great experience with them and she and I had similar medical issues so I thought this was a good fit for us. Dr. Socol was great – the nurses even referred to me as one of “Socol’s girls.” As in most OB practices you are supposed to rotate your visits with all of the doctors in the practice so you are familiar with each one because you don’t know exactly who will be delivering you. Dr. Socol tried to always have me come in when he was there so that he could see me himself. I was kind of a medical mystery – the complications I had with my pregnancy with Aidan were not present this time and that was pretty unusual.

We knew that Lucas was measuring big (they were estimating 8 lbs.) so at 39 weeks they decided it was best to induce me. I was scheduled to go in at midnight but at 11:30 p.m. my water broke, so off we were! I don’t remember much about labor – I know I pushed for a long time. Dr. Su was the doctor delivering Lucas. At some point she determined that for the safety of Lucas it was time for an emergency c-section. I remember going into the operating room…I remember Lucas being born and Nate showing him to me…and after that it was lights out for two weeks.

Click here to go to Part II

Part II

Don't you ever grow up...

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let anyone hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up
*Lyrics from "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift

Just genius...

Coolest cooler I've ever seen....

Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie

I purchased a new cookbook just before the holidays -Double Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld.

(Photo courtesy of Google images)

I made all of Aidan's baby food when he was a baby and am doing the same for Lucas. It is always a challenge getting enough vegetables in - especially at Aidan's age now. So this cookbook has easy recipes that include purees of vegetables in each recipe. The idea is that you are hiding at least a serving of vegetables in each recipe and you don't even know they are there. I love it! I'm already making the purees for Lucas' food, so I just make a few more to put in our meals. I know a lot of mom's criticize this idea - they say you shouldn't have to hide veggys, that kids should HAVE to eat them and learn to like them...well you go ahead and try to have that fight with my 3 year old and then we'll talk!

Anyway, the recipes range from breakfast, lunches, dinners and desserts...so here is the dessert I made tonight - it was so good and it had squash in it and you would never have known!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie
1 1/2 Cups reduced fat honey graham cracker crumbs
3 T margarine or butter
2 C nonfat (skim) milk
1/4 cornstarch
1/3 C sugar, plus 3 tablespoons
1/4 t salt
1 large egg
1 large egg white
1 T vanilla extract
1/2 C yellow squash puree
1 T unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 C peanut butter creamy
2 T shaved chocolate or chopped peanuts to garnish (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 350. combine graham cracker crumbs and butter. Pour into 9 inch pie plate and press crumb mixture in sides of the plate to form an even crust. Bake for 5 minutes. Set aside to cool.

2. In a large saucepan over medium heat, whisk together milk, cornstarch, 1/3 C of sugar, salt, egg and egg white. Stir occasionally. When the mixture begins to thicken stir constantly to avoid lumps. Turn off the heat when mixture comes to a boil and has reached pudding consistency.

3. Add vanilla and squash to puree. Pour half of the mixture into a medium bowl. Make the peanut butter layer by adding the remaining 3 T of sugar and the peanut butter to one half of the mixture and stirring to incorporate. Add the cocoa powder to the other half of the mixture to make the chocolate layer.

4. Pour the chocolate mixture into the pie crust, then top with the peanut layer. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving.

Enjoy!

Cold January Days...

What do you do on cold January days when it just isn't fun to go outside? Here is a glimpse of what we've been up to....

Lucas LOVES his little jumper - he's hilarious in it!

Grammy is in town helping me since I can't lift Lucas at all right now...she and Aidan have built some pretty elaborate train tracks.

Kylie is still coming every Wednesday to help out - she's been such a blessing and clearly Lucas and Aidan adore her!

FINALLY...Aidan likes playing with Lucas. Up until recently he has been pretty indifferent. Lucas just laughs at everything Aidan does and Aidan is starting to think it is pretty cool. Tonight he said to me "why does Lucas have to go to bed so early? I want him to stay up!"

Grammy and Popi got Aidan the "Armor of God" for Christmas...Aidan is convinced it is his dragon hunting costume....

Mmmmm....drugs.....

(photo courtesy of Google images)

Me & Morphine...we are not very good friends! So I know I had some visitors a few days after surgery...I remember they were there...but I don't remember anything about our conversations...that is such a weird feeling! I think I spoke on the phone to a few people as well - I hope I wasn't too crazy!

Now I am taking something not nearly as strong for pain and I am feeling really good. I think once I get all these staples out (probably around 75 of them!) I will feel much better - keeping my fingers crossed that the doc will do that at my appointment on Wednesday. The hardest part is behind me and I am oh so looking forward to what is next.

But what is next? Lots of ideas...I'll fill you in as I figure it out...stay tuned! ;-)

Christmas morning at our house...

How long do you think they will let me get away with matching pajamas? They were soooo cute. I am really excited about making new traditions and memories for our little family of four. Christmas eve every year they will get new pj's so they look cute in the Christmas morning pictures!

Aidan had to make sure Santa ate his cookies and drank all his milk...

We really didn't go overboard with the kids this year. Aidan got a few things he really wanted, but his big gift was his new bed (I'll post pics of that soon). He had been asking Santa for an Ironman, but Auntie Kris got him that, so Santa brought him an Ironman mask instead!

Lucas always has a big smile on his face. He got a couple of new toys and he was happy.

Auntie Katie got him this car and he LOVES it!

Aidan got to do a little shopping on his own at school for his family. He picked out the fabulous scarf below for Daddy. He picked out a cute teddy bear for Lucas and a Christmas charm bracelet for me. With his leftover money he bought himself a big box of candy...he was pretty excited!

Overall we had a wonderful Christmas. Christmas Eve we spent with my family in Tinley Park. It was crazy and fun and sad and all different kinds of emotions...but overall it was good to be together. Because my surgery was scheduled so close to Christmas we didn't get to travel to see Nate's family this year. We missed our time with them!

Let it snow...let it snow...let it snow...

I love the snow - especially looking at it through the window! It's been easy for me to take it easy these days and enjoy how pretty the snow is. Sometimes it's good to just slow down. I don't have the stress right now of having to walk in it, drive in it and bundle up to deal with the cold. Next week may be a different story, but this week I have just enjoyed recovering at home and kind of taking a break from the craziness of every day.

As some of you know, we were recently seriously considering a move to California. We went out there last October and scouted it out and fell in love. The idea of sunny and 80 degrees 90% of the year was really appealing. I feel better when it is warm and sunny. I have a husband who loves all things outdoors. I have now two very active boys. Aidan sleeps better and behaves better when he is able to run around outside all day - all of this really appealed to us. Not to mention California is just beautiful. There is only one problem...it is so far from our family and friends. Seriously, our pro and con list was very lopsided - tons of pro's and just one con...

But as we found out this summer that one "con" is a big and important one. I don't know what we would have done if we were in California when I had Lucas. Our family and friends came through HUGE for us this summer. We are forever thankful. And for now at least, sticking close to home!

Bring Me Joy, Bring Me Peace...

Love this picture of my guys. I'll be posting pics from Christmas shortly...but I wanted to say Happy New Year! Everyone keeps telling me that 2011 is going to be a great year – that we deserve a great year. I agree! I’m not one of those people who can say “I wouldn’t change anything about 2010…” My changes, let’s see…my dad would still be here. That’s the biggest one. I would still go through all I went through to have Lucas, but let my dad still be here. Please?

So it is January 5^th. It has been about 4 months since my dad passed away. Is it supposed to get easier? I was told that…but they lied. It doesn’t get easier. I miss him. I missed him at Christmas. I missed his words of encouragement before my recent surgery. I miss him every day. When does that get easier? I don’t want Aidan to forget him. Yet I think he probably will. I wish Lucas had more time with him. Boy, am I “Debbie Downer” or what? Oh well.

This is going to be a good year. A great year! I am determined. Lucas is so much fun right now – he has to be the sweetest baby ever. Aidan has been awesome since I’ve been home from the hospital – he just wants to hang out with me and tell me he loves me all day long. I could get used to this. But I am getting restless. Anyone that knows me knows that I don’t sit still for long. I have things to do! As I feel better I want to do more. I am praying for the patience not to overdo it. I need to give my stomach the proper time to heal so I’m not back doing this all over again, but do you know how hard that is to do?

So I long ago gave up having New Year’s Resolutions – now I just call them goals…how many people ever actually accomplish those resolutions anyway? So here are my “goals”…

1. To fully enjoy our upcoming vacation…have I said that I CAN’T WAIT for vacation?!? Before we had kiddos we used to take fabulous vacations…since then Nate has been to Mexico (Amy’s wedding, I was preggers), Arizona, Cape Cod, Florida…all without me! So not fair. So the end of February we are headed to Puerto Rico…have I mentioned that I can’t wait?

2. I am turning 40 this year. How the H$## did that happen? Well I am determined not to fight it, pout, cry or whine about it. So let’s have a party! Nate has promised me a birthday bash – it will have to be after the vacation tho so I can be tan!

3. Spend more time at our cottage. I hope to spend lots of time down there this summer. Aidan is going to love it.

4. Start a new business. I know, you all may think I’m crazy, but I LOVED having my own business. The only thing I didn’t love about Little Green Baby was that it was retail. I loved running a business though. I have some ideas…so my goal is to get that going.

So that’s it for now. I guess if I keep the list short I have less of a chance of not completing them. Happy New Year everyone! I hope your lists are short and doable as well!