My Story, Part III

This is Part III of My Story – the events that took place this past summer…for the beginning of the story click on the following - Part I and Part II.

I was pretty confused in those first few days. I couldn’t remember much. I had some pretty crazy dreams while I was out and it took a few days for my family to convince me that some of the things I dreamed hadn’t really happened. All I knew was that I wanted to get home to my boys – to hug Aidan and tell him that his mommy was okay and that I loved him…to hold that new baby boy and get to know him. But at that point I couldn’t walk and I had some nerve damage to my arm, so I was in bad shape. They were saying after I left Prentice I was going to have to go to a Rehab Facility for some physical and occupational therapy for three to six weeks. After about 3 days of watching horrible daytime TV I decided I need to spend my time differently.

Dr. Su, the doctor that had delivered Lucas, was checking in on me daily and helping manage my care. She was wonderful – when I was ready she explained to me what had happened. She was so compassionate and kind. I really felt a connection with her – not only was she my doctor looking out for me, but she became a friend as well. I was focused on getting better, but there were days that I was overwhelmed and just sad. She listened and cried with me. When I told her I couldn’t go to a rehab center, that I had to get home to my boys, she organized daily physical and occupational therapy for me. Instead of laying in bed watching daytime TV I was taken to the rehab gym and I had two therapists who kicked my butt in PT and OT and it paid off – I was able to walk out of the hospital and not go to a rehab facility. The nurses from my OB practice came to visit me often and prayed with me and over me several times. There were so many doctors that stopped in my room to see me – they had been involved in many of my surgeries and just wanted to see me and were amazed by my recovery. Some of them cried and prayed with me. It was truly amazing.

I had lots of visits from family and friends and that really kept my spirits up. Nate would bring Aidan to see me and our first few visits were tough – I think he was pretty confused about what was going on. My poor little three year old had a really tough summer. He was scared to see me like that yet he wanted to be with me and for me to come home so badly. Honestly, most of my tears in the hospital were about him. Lucas would come to visit me as well, but I really wasn’t strong enough to hold him so he would just lay next to me in my hospital bed. He was, and still is, the most laid back and happy baby I have ever seen. It was so hard to be away from them and it was my motivation to get home. My mom was with me all the time – even as an adult I still needed my “mommy.” My dad came as often as he could. He called me almost daily. He was so positive and encouraging – I think at that time he knew he wasn’t doing well and really hung on to make sure I was going to be okay.

My good friend Julie came to the hospital to give me a haircut - my hair hadn't been washed in 3 weeks and as you can imagine I was looking pretty cute (not!)...I think it was one of my all time favorite haircuts (she laughs at this)! I usually try to take Aidan to Julie as well for haircuts but Nate just couldn't do it while I was in the hospital (her salon is in the 'burbs by my parents house). So Nate took him for a haircut - when I saw a picture I cried, he practically shaved his head! He looked so much older to me and I just wasn't ready to see him like that. I know why Nate did it, he just couldn't keep up with taking him every few weeks and knew I wouldn't be able to...just one more thing that was out of my control.

(Nathan, his sister Amy, niece Vivienne, Aidan (with new haircut) and Lucas)

On June 29^th I had my last surgery in the hospital – knowing that I was going to be able to go home soon, but have one more surgery about 6 months down the road. I was released from the hospital on July 11^th and as I said before, was so happy to be walking out of the hospital. I was still in quite a bit of pain, but just figured that was normal and would subside in a few days/weeks.

That next weekend we had planned a surprise party in Michigan for Nate’s parents’ anniversary. I knew I couldn’t go, but Nate really needed a break so I encouraged him to go and take Aidan with him. Paula kindly offered to stay with me and help me with Lucas since I really wasn’t ready to care for him on my own. The few days I was at home I felt like I had a fever and I had a lot of pain, but I just figured again, this was normal for all that I had been through and maybe I was pushing myself too much. I had a physical therapist that was coming to the house three days a week and she was making me work really hard.

About 3 hours after Nate left for Michigan that Friday a home nurse stopped by to draw some blood. She checked my temperature and it was 103.5 – back to the hospital for me! I had developed a bad infection. I was so disappointed. I had just gotten done telling Aidan I would not be going back to the hospital, that I would be here when he came home from Grammy and Popi’s house. I hadn’t gotten to spend much time with Lucas and I felt like others knew my baby better than I did. I felt like a terrible mother. I felt like I had failed. Looking back I think I knew something was wrong but I just didn’t want to go back to the hospital. Anyway, after another week stay I was released home and Aidan and I spent some serious bonding time – I think that week had been harder on me than him.

The month that followed was filled with so many different emotions. I was struggling to get better and my dad was deteriorating pretty quickly. We also had a family reunion of sorts…

To continue reading click Part IV